Another Irrelevant Dead Celebrity

Fred Travalena died recently. As we can see from this clip, his comedy career died long before.

His impression of Jack Nicholson is an exercise in how not to do comedy. It's base, it grubs for lapplause and, worst of all, it isn't funny. Well, it's funny to me, but not in a good way. Seriously, the income tax bit?

Rijizzulous

You'd be amazed at how hard it was to get rijizzulous added to Urban Dictionary. But I did, and now it's done. Boom!

Boooooooooooo!

Jane Lynch is leaving Party Down for the greener pastures of Glee.

GaBooo!

Gaffney Gatter update

The Gaffney Gatter got gatted in Gaston. Story here.

We Can Do It...Together!

I'm starting a campaign to name South Carolina's newest serial killer "The Gaffney Gatter." Pass it on.

Kristen Schaal is a Horse

You know who I never get sick of? Kristen Schaal. She's the beans. She could do anything and I'd watch it. That stupid little laugh of hers is my favorite.

Dunno who the other guy is, but if he's with Kristen, he's cool with me.

imaginary gardens with real toads in them

Marianne Moore was a poet. She wrote a poem about poetry and called it "Poetry." She kept revising it for 50 years. Ford asked her to help them name a car. She suggested they call it the "Resilient Bullet." Or perhaps the "Ardante Con Moto." How about "Pastelogram?" No? Oooh, the "Utopian Turtletop." Ford contemplated these, and ended up going with "Edsel." Oh well.

Graph Jam Works The Percentages

And comes up with this nugget.

Surveillance

Jennifer Lynch, daughter of somebody important, brings her second film to the big screen. Unlike her first film, the execrable Boxing Helena, this one looks scary, freaky and wild. And it doesn't have Julian Sands in it.

Louisiana Legislature FTW!

Remembering Fisher T. Price

A short made for Ricki Derek’s Night-Oh Cabaret. Dallas represent!

I Hate David Cross

And I take some satisfaction that he is looking more and more like the pretentious douchebag he is.

Zombieland

Yeah, me likee. Can't wait til October.

The American Nightmare

One of my favorite documentaries happens to be about horror movies. Go figure. The American Nightmare is about the golden age of horror, the 70s. One of the most fascinating aspects of these films is that they can all be traced back to significant historical events. They are reactions to these things. JFK's assassination, Kent State, the civil rights movement and Vietnam. Minute 7:30, see Tom Savini talk about being a soldier in Vietnam and how he reacted the terrible things he saw.

Minute 8:20, John Landis breaks down just what made these movies so special, followed by Tobe Hooper's origin tale of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Fascinating. I could watch this movie a million times.

I'm Freaking The Fuck Out!

Cuz this has got to be the awesomest thing I've seen since the last time I saw an awesome thing!

via BB Offworld.

OMG WTF?

Something Blue

Tuesday, June 23rd, 9:30pm the Plaza Theater in Atlanta presents Blue Velvet on the big screen. I haven't been this pumped since The Lollipop Girls in Hard Candy in 3D! No, but seriously, never watch a porn at the theater in 3d. It's rijizzulous. And also migraine inducing.

You know who would never show porn? The Plaza Theater. Ever since Jonathan and Gayle Rej took over the Plaza, they have been consistently bringing the awesome. Tuesdays at 9pm are usually reserved for off-the-wall classics like Blue Velvet or the newest cult phenom: The Room.

One word, The Plaza Atlanta: Yay.

This Is Effin Cool

I ruh ruh ruh raped the bitch

The National Criminal Defense College is an ongoing education program for practicing trial lawyers. It is an opportunity fir them to learn all the things they didn't learn in law school, namely: how to present your argument, how to use your voice, how to communicate your story. You know, all the important stuff.

The fine folks of ncdc, at some point, realized that they needed actors to help them teach the newbie lawyers. That's where I come in. I'm an actor. Sometimes I get to play stuttering, half-retarded rapists. And if I can help some young lawyer at the same time, then I guess it's a bonus for the both of us.

Artie Lange on Joe Buck Live

Holy shit. It kinda looks like Jason Sudeikis is actually afraid of Lange for a second.

BobsBlitz.com Provides Artie Lange on Joe Buck Live
Uploaded by bobsblitz. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

Yeah, why not stick around for a little Overtime?

BobsBlitz.com - Artie Lange Joe Buck Post Show 'Overtime'
Uploaded by bobsblitz. - See more comedy videos.

Totally Quotable Clementine

Were I not completely opposed to the idea of self-induced parasites, I do see the benefit of consistent, tiny lulz.

See also: Tiny Art Director.

DemiGod

Here's the full photo set of Demi Moore's infamous hairy-bushed Oui shoot from way back in the 1980s.

Zoozamafoo

myZOOZbeat has to be my favorite Ipod Touch App. It enables me to make terrible music. And tonight, they featured one of my songs on the front page.

Viva la midi!

Droppin Science

If you read this blog, you're in the upper-echelon of society. You are the man. Or the dog. Or the man now, dog. Therefore, you already know: Shaq is a modern day philosopher, and not to be fucked with. He's not just a basketball player, he's an institution, a corporation, a force of nature. He even beat AIDS and has movie theaters that you can talk in.

Anyway, if you need some motivation in this mixed up, crazy world, why don't you turn to the greatest man ever. Seriously. Even his twitters are motivational.

Forget It Jake, It's Keyboard Cat

Don't watch if you've never seen Chinatown.